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Ditch Hunter

Some of the Life at Ward's readers have asked me about my experience on Friday morning. I got up late (on purpose) because I had a delivery to do in Scarborough. I dropped off a Blue Seal E26 Convection Oven at a coffee shop in the town centre and set off for York where Ward's Catering is based. After the usual slog down the A64 I broke off at Flaxton and headed across Strensall common. As I approached the Army Firing Range on a laser-straight section of road the tyres of my Vauxhall Corsa Van hit a large patch of black ice. My vehicle took on a mind of it's own and I veered into the opposite lane whereupon I was presented with sight of a large 4X4 speeding towards me. I also noticed a clump of trees on the right. I therefore decided to attempt to get back onto my side of the road. As my tyres regained traction the left hand side of my vehicle lifted off the road and it slewed onto the grass verge. Then it continued on it's wayward journey into the bottom of a 10ft ditch. I have tried several times to remember my exact words as I saw the far bank of the ditch approaching my bonnet and I am unable to remember what they were. I remember exactly what I thought though. "This is going to really hurt and Mr C is NOT going to be happy". My car ricocheted off the bank and the rear end swung down into the ditch. The front end span around and the car came to rest with aid of a stone bridge and the passenger side door. I awoke a second later assuming myself to be dead or dying. As I realised that I was to remain on this mortal coil for a few more years (hopefully) I looked down and saw the deflated airbag and realised that I had this and my seatbelt to thank for the happy fact of my continued existence. I immediately forced the door of the van open and jumped down into waist-high ice-cold ditch water making the sort of noises that you would hear at night in a zoo. I looked up and saw the driver of the 4X4 staring at me. We both looked at the steep mud bank I would need to scale in order to reach the road and I asked the man if he had a rope. He did not. There followed a panicky call on my soaked and dying mobile to Mr H who came to my rescue. I have a broken nose, an aching chest and an incredibly painful coccyx. Other than that I am ticketyboo. The car is dead. I shall upload a photo as soon as possible. There endeth the lesson. Let's not talk about it again. Mr N