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(False) ALARM! (False) ALARM!

Dear Life at Ward's readers... Mr N here again. Everyone ready for another thrilling installment? Okay... take your time... ready now? Okay. I am very tired today having spent all night watching my better half suffering contractions every 7 minutes. For those unintiated in the world of baby human birthing techniques 5 minutes is the cut-off. At five minutes you get all your bags together jump into the car and high-tail it to the hospital (praying all the way that waters will not be broken on car seats). Anyway we finally got bored and went to bed at about 04:00 and then got up at about 08:00. Then my mother, who has been enlisted to assist, took my better half up to the hospital for some monitoring and I came to work. It's now 16:34 and the contractions have ceased and no baby human has been born. Rubbish. Mr H is on holiday because it is the thirty second anniversary of his birth (weirdly enough). So he's shot off across the other side of the country to have high jinks and short drinks. The phones? Well they've been ringing... they've been ringing REAL NICE! We've sold combi ovens, we've sold boilers, we've sold pint glasses. We've sorted out problems left, right, centre, behind, upsidedown and inside-the-hell-out. WE ARE WARD'S AND THIS IS WHAT WE DO! More tomorrow.