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What to write... what to write?

Hello idiots, no sorry that is unkind. Hello everyone. Mr N here, Ward's Catering here, Saturday don't you know? That means I am not at work I am at home, or somewhere equally not-at-work. Althought technically I am still at work because my broadband is still down so I am writing this approximately 5 minutes after the last post.

Not going to talk about catering equipment though, or refrigeration, or sundries... not going to talk about Blue Seal or Parry or Lincat... Day off. I know let's continue with our reminiscing about the old days. Mr C accused me of not citing any instances of our poor behaviour during our adolesence.

Here we go then. Mr C and I were on report for a longer combined period than the rest of the 200-student year put together in 1991. Being "on report" meant carrying a sheet of paper around and getting each teacher, every lesson to sign it and make comments about your behaviour. I bought three different coloured biros and got to work. No I have quite a strong work ethic and therefore decided to get the report card filled in for the whole week, therefore I wouldn't have to worry about it later.

One Religious Education lesson (what a waste of time THEY were) The Head of Year came in and asked Mrs... I forget her name so let's call her Mrs Jesus... asked Mrs Jesus for my report card. Mrs Jesus: "But Mr N isn't on report!" HOY: Yes he is, where's your card Mr N?" I pass her the card from my bag HOY: "Oh Mrs Jesus it seems you have already filled this card in..." You can imagine the rest.

The thing was I was then known as a forger and had kids coming up to me all the time asked me to forge signatures in homework books and sick notes.